Questions & Comments

  1. If you have questions or comments related to recovery from cult controls and abuses, feel free to submit them here. I will do my best to respond.
     
  2. Bonnie…I happened to stumble across your books on Amazon and ordered them. Anxious to get them tomorrow and start “healing”. Born and raised as a JW and disfellowshipped 6 years ago has made me a wreak. Divorced of a 18 yr marriage with 3 children. 2 daughters are baptized and have had nothing to do with me the past 6 yrs. I get my son every other week(per divorce), Judge gave ex custody of all 3 as the religion provided a more stable enviornment for the kids. It devasted me. All family and friends i’ve ever known..gone. Remarried a wonderful man last year. Things are great but the emotional effect leaving the religion has me a mess. Glad i found your books and am looking forward to the healing & moving forward process. Thanks again!!!

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    • Thank you Tamara. You have really been put through a terrible ordeal by an organization that has no qualms about tearing families apart. While no book can eliminate the pain of being ostracized by your children, I feel confident that you will acquire tools that will help you manage the emotional challenges and pain you face. Wish you all the best!

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  3. I can not express enough gratitude for sharing your story. The largest residual effect of leaving the JW cult is isolation and a lack of belonging. When I left, the internet was in it’s developing stages, and I spent years re-building without a community to commiserate and heal with. When I discovered your books, I re-visited my trauma, hearing your story. You confirmed so many suspicions regarding illness, repression, emotional abuse, etc. that I always knew, but couldn’t put into certain terms. We need each other, and voices like yours, to heal. Thank you so much Bonnie.

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    • Margo – You are SO welcome. Warms my heart to hear that my books have affirmed what you already knew about the devastating effects of all the deception, betrayal and coercion we experienced in a cult. And, yes, it is wonderful to have access to an ever-growing, worldwide community of cult survivors. Thank you for this encouraging comment!

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  4. Bonnie,
    My wife and I just took placement of 3 foster siblings that we intend to adopt. All 3 were in separate foster homes. The 8 year old girl was in the home of a JW for approximately 1 year. She was instructed to ask us not to take away 3 JW books that were included with her possessions. We knew that it wasn’t the time to remove them. Are there are signs we should watch for? Would an 8 year old girl really see a difference between JW and church?

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    • Hi Richard,
      My guess is that, for now, she may have an emotional attachment to the books – but probably not to the contents (dogma) of the books. New people, including children, who attend the JW meetings are greeted with what is called “love-bombing” and she may have felt more acceptance and ‘love’ in that organization that she had ever experienced in her little life. I would not make a big issue about the books as you indicate you are already aware. I would just make sure she feels loved and accepted and forms a bond with you and your family which will ultimately take precedence over previous, briefly formed attachments and loyalties. As well, I would be careful about JWs trying to insinuate their way into her new life with you and your family. All the best to you and your growing family!

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  5. I’ve had many years of experience in a religious group colloquially known as the 2 X2s, the Friends or the Truth. I wondered if you’re familiar with the group? If so, how would you suggest helping a former member of this group?

    Please advise – many thanks,

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    • Hi Cory,
      No, I’m not familiar with the group. Since I know nothing about the person or the group or the circumstances, there is not much I can say here. I would recommend they read my book, “The Challenge to Heal After Leaving A High-Control Group”. There is a lot of good information in it.

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12 thoughts on “Questions & Comments

  1. Hi Bonnie,

    I was going to do a podcast and wanted to know if I could use some material from a worksheet that I got somewhere on your site. Conditions commonly experienced in a high-control group and the effects after exiting. I have been a blogger for a while and just started podcasting. Thank you.

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  2. Bonnie – wow. I devoured your Fading Out book. I’ve been out of the “truth” for about 10 years. However, I never dealt with any of my issues appropriately. I managed to push them aside and forge on, seemingly successfully. However, when I became a mother, something shifted and I have been dealing with my issues with a therapist. The last 4-5 years have been rocky. Finally dealing with everything the last year with my therapist and addressing these issues head on have had a huge positive impact. I can’t believe how much I have been suppressing! Your book has given me validation I didn’t even know I needed. Thank you, sincerely and honestly for your book. You have no idea how it has helped me.

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    • Research! If you were a JW, watch videos that totally debunk 607 BCE. Read articles and watch documentaries about the veracity of the Bible. Look at the behaviors (works, actions) of those who believe and decide if they are something you want to follow and what that indicates about the bible. You can also google for “thought-stopping techniques” to help you if you find such thoughts become nagging and/or obsessive. You have a world of information and techniques available at your fingertips – Google.

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  3. Hello Bonnie, I want some information about JW mixed marriage with people out of their cult. My wife is in JW religion, I am not, nor have I ever been and i have no contact to them.
    She is not fanatical, she has already been cut off once, but its environment is too fanatical.
    I never go to their meetings, and my wife also does not go often, but when she goes she turns somewhat different. We have two young children as well. I want information on what a witness marriage with non-witness means (NOT APOSTATE, things then are getting harder). I am very negative with their religion.I remember the way they face her when she disfellowshiped(shame for human species). I do not know what they (elders or brothers) can advise her, which behavior they suggest. I have both Franz’s books, surfing AAWA, sites of ex-jws, and recently I found your site. I want some advices and i want to you to help me if its possible with information based on their publications, not on the experiences of former witnesses.
    Can I find your books in Europe?
    Thank you very much, keep doing what you do.

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    • Unfortunately, I do not keep abreast of current JW publications so I can not advise you based on their recent publications as you request. In general terms they will inform any woman married to an unbeliever, to be “obedient” to her husband unless what her husband wants conflicts with the Bible and their interpretations of the Bible. Sounds like the possibility for her eventually waking up is good if she has already experienced their harsh judgments, and does not attend meetings on a regular basis. Each person is unique in terms of their level of indoctrination and their vulnerability to influence and manipulation. I hope she finds her way to leave and that you and your family can live free of cult undue influence. (Yes, my books can be purchased on Amazon in Europe.)

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      • Thank you so much for the reply.
        I was late to answer because we are on vacation.
        I will order some of your books from the Amazon.
        I will contact you again when we return.

        Regards, Tom

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  4. Hi, I’m not certain if I’m leaving this comment in the right place but I found your website following a google search about leaving anonymous reviews on Amazon. My only issue was I personally knew the author but my review of the book was unfavourable, if honest. The matters your website deals with appear to be much more serious than that, so I thought I should just post a warning. You can, as you say, alter your name on Amazon to something generic like ‘Amazon Customer’. However, if the reader clicks on that name, they will see your other reviews on Amazon. While those other reviews will also be by e.g. Amazon Customer, they may well give clues to who the person is. I know this happens because I tested it with a separate book review. I haven’t found out yet how to get round this. If anyone else does, do please say! Regards. Phil

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