47 thoughts on “Questions & Comments”
-
Bonnie – wow. I devoured your Fading Out book. I’ve been out of the “truth” for about 10 years. However, I never dealt with any of my issues appropriately. I managed to push them aside and forge on, seemingly successfully. However, when I became a mother, something shifted and I have been dealing with my issues with a therapist. The last 4-5 years have been rocky. Finally dealing with everything the last year with my therapist and addressing these issues head on have had a huge positive impact. I can’t believe how much I have been suppressing! Your book has given me validation I didn’t even know I needed. Thank you, sincerely and honestly for your book. You have no idea how it has helped me.
LikeLike
-
How do I get rid of the constant thought…but it’s in the Bible, it has to be true?
LikeLike
-
Hello Bonnie, I want some information about JW mixed marriage with people out of their cult. My wife is in JW religion, I am not, nor have I ever been and i have no contact to them.
She is not fanatical, she has already been cut off once, but its environment is too fanatical.
I never go to their meetings, and my wife also does not go often, but when she goes she turns somewhat different. We have two young children as well. I want information on what a witness marriage with non-witness means (NOT APOSTATE, things then are getting harder). I am very negative with their religion.I remember the way they face her when she disfellowshiped(shame for human species). I do not know what they (elders or brothers) can advise her, which behavior they suggest. I have both Franz’s books, surfing AAWA, sites of ex-jws, and recently I found your site. I want some advices and i want to you to help me if its possible with information based on their publications, not on the experiences of former witnesses.
Can I find your books in Europe?
Thank you very much, keep doing what you do.LikeLike
-
Hey,
I am excited I just received your book. I have been out of the JW cult for 9 years now. I was doing ok till recently when I had to go to the KH for my grandfathers memorial service. Needless to say shunned and looked down upon. It hit me like a ton of bricks, how they can make your skin crawl. I would have been fine after that incident eventually. However my dad, who never had an interest growing up, is now studying with the JW’s. My fear is that they will get in his head an brainwash him. He has always loved me no matter what, even when I came out after divorcing my husband and all my tattoos, lol. So for this to be something that would cause him to not be in my life is almost to much to face. He has always been my rock and loved me no matter what. I am seeing a therapist who recommended your book. There are no support groups for EX JW’s or outcast from cults of any kind here that she new of but ,there needs to be one. She said it might help me and that she would back me up if I would like to start one. I just don’t know how to go about it. So I was reaching out to see if you had any suggestions on getting one started or where to go for info on starting something like that. I live in a big enough town that it would be beneficial to help those that are wanting out but do not know how to start. Or suicidal like I was in my teenage years. I want to be there for those that want help so that they do not have to suffer as I did. This life is amazing. I want others to feel the freedom and self love that is truly meant to be.
Namaste,
CR -
Bonnie,
If you still consider Skype sessions, please contact me if you would. I’m carrying quite a heavy weight with me and I am trying everything I can think of to help change my life for the better. I would love to speak with someone that can understand my pain.
Hope to hear from you soon,
StephanieLikeLike
-
Hello Bonnie, I came here really hoping you still take on clients, since I have read your book and live near you (my parents went to meetings at a KH in southwest Mississauga in the late 80’s) I am looking for a counsellor, since I left the cult 9 years ago, with my parents and brother, but was already married to an inactive JW and we have 4 young kids. I’m having a hard time dealing with his attempted indoctrination of the children and not allowing us to celebrate birthdays etc. Anyway, since you are not providing counselling, can you recommend anyone in the north of Toronto area? Orangeville is the closest bigger city near us. Thank you!
LikeLike
-
Hello Bonnie, I can’t properly express how thankful I am to have discovered your website, work, and books. I faded out of the JW’s over twenty years ago and have recently realized how much work I still have to do. Thank you for pouring yourself into these amazing resources. I recently identified major growth issues and anxiety problems in my life, and I’m sure they are still related to my childhood and youth as a JW. I believe I read somewhere that you are retired and not taking on any therapy clients, and somewhere else that you would still consider it. If you would consider it, I would love to have some sessions with you. Now that I’ve finished the Exiting the JW cult book, my mind is reeling with where to go from here. I’m planning on looking into the Challenge to Heal book and workbook next. Thank you again, you’re making such an incredible difference.
LikeLike
-
Bonnie, I was hoping you could recommend some reading. I’m leaving the JW org, but I have two pre-teen children which I would like to help. My spouse remains, and will likely remain very indoctrinated. Please let me know if there’s anything you could recommend.
LikeLike
-
Hi Bonnie,Any advice for a spouse of an ex-jw who was born into it but left about 10 years ago (we me after he left). We are in constant conflict. He cannot admit he is wrong and we are constantly battling any issue that arises. He wont discuss and issue, just always needs to be right and is angry most of the time. I don’t feel he trusts me and he is always convinced I am trying to control him, which he seems to try to control most situations of ours as well. He will tell you he believes I am a good person that takes care of all those around me, yet when I talk with him he doesn’t seem to believe what I am saying. I never lie to him.He says he trusts me more than anyone but doesn’t trust me enough. I want to be there for him and help him but he is shut down and doesn’t want help. I love him and want to be with him but he keeps pushing me away. I don’t want to give up on him but I am at a loss of what else I can do. IS it possible I can handle the situation in a different way. Find a way for him to trust me. Any ideas?
LikeLike
-
I am a recent Ex-Jehovah’s Witness. I watched your interview with John Cedars and was beyond inspired. Our stories, along with many others are very similar. I’ve read two of your books and they were beyond helpful.
I’ve always felt the happiest helping others and wanted to become a psychologist as a child however, being born and raised in the Jehovah’s Witness religion education was discouraged, and I only have an Associates. Now that I have left the religion I have the goal of becoming a psychologist specializing in religious trauma. When I watched your interview I was beyond excited to see someone with such a similar story attain the goal I wish to pursue. I just have a few questions and would truly appreciate your opinion.
Does the school I choose make a difference when it comes to applying to grad schools?
Are online college degrees taken seriously by schools?
Does your bachelor major make a difference for grad school?
If there was anything you would do differently in regards to college what would you do?I would appreciate any advice you give.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, it has truly impacted me. If you would like to respond through email you can through this one. I’m unsure if the other will show.
smilesandhugs2u@gmail.com -
I am a parent of a son married to a woman who was raised on a cult, The Fellowship of Friends, in Oregon City, California. His wife was with her parents in the cult for at least seven years. As she went off to college, the parents left the cult. She was then not allowed to enter this cult environment again, leaving behind everything she knew. She has talked about keeping the realities of her past ‘on a leash’.
As she and my son literally built everything together: homes, business, a family of two children in a small community, they started struggling in their relationship. As the topic of separation continued, the subject of splitting time with the children came up. That day after my son went to work at their joint business (his labor, her bookkeeping, etc.), his wife left, with the kids and went to a shelter. Surprised, the police came to his business with a protection order. She made extreme accusations about my son in civil court and he lost all his rights.
Now, since November, especially with the accusations of extreme and unfair actions about my son, he can not seem to get help for what has now become abusive to him. He has followed all court orders counseling, mediating efforts, community action, friend support and even a priest. His wife took most of their money out of the account and as money manager, won’t share account information. She is gas lighting him in the community, controlling time with the kids, abusing a 50′ distancing by coming into his space and demonstrates extreme manic behaviours; positive around others while beating up and mistrusting anything my son does to try to move forward.
I am at a loss to help my son or them to move on. He shares that he doesn’t know this wife that he married anymore. “Her eyes have even changed.” Only a small number of people know his wife’s cult history. While both my son and his wife are good people, after much research (but not a psychologist), I do believe that the fear of having to split everything, especially the children, has put her psyche into a position of panic and distrust that stems from the proselytising of Robert Earl Burton through this ‘Fellowship of Friends”.
Because of the accusations, most support facilities won’t help him. He is trying to work with her while still trying to be a dad to his children. He is wearing out.
Would you have any advice for me to help him, or her, in this situation for ‘Cracking the Cult Code”?
With great respect and a Thank You, in advance, for any considerations you might have.
LikeLike
-
Hi Bonnie ,
Thank you so much for your hard work in preparing your books. I left the jw.org 20 years ago .I really could have done with this work back then.Your personal memoirs resonated with me as I grew up from birth in the faith.
Just finished the exit book and I really like the work that you present on belonging to ourselves.
I also like the work that you present about relating to and not from.I am an avid reader and follow Tara Brachs work and it was nice to see your quotations from her in your publications.
I also thank you for the extensive bibliography list that you list at the end of that book and so I will be picking out from there books to read.
I recently saw an interview with you and Lloyd Evans on the John Cedars channel.
Reading your works and also watching the interview it felt as though you were my personal friend talking to me even though I’ve never met you.Thank you from the bottom of my heart
Dave
LikeLike
-
Hi Bonnie,
Your “about” page says that you sometimes still counsel ex-JW’s. Is that still the case? If so, how can I find out more?
(My integrative doctor really wants me to see a therapist after hearing my experiences as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses because she believes they played a major role in my chronic health issues. She highly suggested EMDR, which I see you practice! I was thinking that a therapist who was themselves an ex-JW would be best because I don’t think anyone else could ever truly understand.)
Thank you!
Daniel
LikeLike
-
How can you get free when your partner won’t allow you to? I have been firmly convinced that I need to leave for three years now, and have read extensively, including your books, Bonnie (which has led me here). I feel absolutely despair when I read about the freedom and happiness that is out there for me if I can break free. I have had severe depression all my life, and have attempted suicide several times. This lifted dramatically when I took a stand and said I didn’t believe it any more and wasn’t going to go along with it. But my partner has put unbearable pressure on me, and I love him so much, I have backed down. Now I am suicidal again, it seems the only way I’ll ever be free. I see a therapist, and she’s been super helpful, but I think we both know that I’m stuck. I can’t, won’t, leave my partner, and he won’t let me leave the organisation. What on earth can I do? i am beyond desperate.
LikeLike
-
Hello Bonnie (if I may),
My partner and I are looking for a couples counselor who has experience with childhood trauma and relationships between ex-JWs and never-been-JWs. Would you be able to help us or recommend someone?
Thank you!LikeLike
-
Hi Bonnie,
Do any of your books have information or advice for non JW parents? If not, where can I get info.I was a single parent, working 3 & 4 jobs to support my daughter. Unbeknownst to me, without my permission or knowledge my daughter at 9/10 yrs old was being converted to JW by her father’s JW family. They taught her to lie to me & turned her against me. She kept it a secret. I did not find this out until she was 30 yrs old.
I prayed & hoped one day she would wake up, but she hasn’t. Now she is getting married in Jan 2021 to a JW who converted in 2019. They have only known each other for 6 months. I have not met him.
I feel I have lost her for good now. Thank you.
Angie
LikeLike
Bonnie…I happened to stumble across your books on Amazon and ordered them. Anxious to get them tomorrow and start “healing”. Born and raised as a JW and disfellowshipped 6 years ago has made me a wreak. Divorced of a 18 yr marriage with 3 children. 2 daughters are baptized and have had nothing to do with me the past 6 yrs. I get my son every other week(per divorce), Judge gave ex custody of all 3 as the religion provided a more stable enviornment for the kids. It devasted me. All family and friends i’ve ever known..gone. Remarried a wonderful man last year. Things are great but the emotional effect leaving the religion has me a mess. Glad i found your books and am looking forward to the healing & moving forward process. Thanks again!!!
Liked by you
Thank you Tamara. You have really been put through a terrible ordeal by an organization that has no qualms about tearing families apart. While no book can eliminate the pain of being ostracized by your children, I feel confident that you will acquire tools that will help you manage the emotional challenges and pain you face. Wish you all the best!
Like
I can not express enough gratitude for sharing your story. The largest residual effect of leaving the JW cult is isolation and a lack of belonging. When I left, the internet was in it’s developing stages, and I spent years re-building without a community to commiserate and heal with. When I discovered your books, I re-visited my trauma, hearing your story. You confirmed so many suspicions regarding illness, repression, emotional abuse, etc. that I always knew, but couldn’t put into certain terms. We need each other, and voices like yours, to heal. Thank you so much Bonnie.
Like
Margo – You are SO welcome. Warms my heart to hear that my books have affirmed what you already knew about the devastating effects of all the deception, betrayal and coercion we experienced in a cult. And, yes, it is wonderful to have access to an ever-growing, worldwide community of cult survivors. Thank you for this encouraging comment!
Like
Bonnie,
My wife and I just took placement of 3 foster siblings that we intend to adopt. All 3 were in separate foster homes. The 8 year old girl was in the home of a JW for approximately 1 year. She was instructed to ask us not to take away 3 JW books that were included with her possessions. We knew that it wasn’t the time to remove them. Are there are signs we should watch for? Would an 8 year old girl really see a difference between JW and church?
Like
Hi Richard,
My guess is that, for now, she may have an emotional attachment to the books – but probably not to the contents (dogma) of the books. New people, including children, who attend the JW meetings are greeted with what is called “love-bombing” and she may have felt more acceptance and ‘love’ in that organization that she had ever experienced in her little life. I would not make a big issue about the books as you indicate you are already aware. I would just make sure she feels loved and accepted and forms a bond with you and your family which will ultimately take precedence over previous, briefly formed attachments and loyalties. As well, I would be careful about JWs trying to insinuate their way into her new life with you and your family. All the best to you and your growing family!
Like
I’ve had many years of experience in a religious group colloquially known as the 2 X2s, the Friends or the Truth. I wondered if you’re familiar with the group? If so, how would you suggest helping a former member of this group?
Please advise – many thanks,
Like
Hi Cory,
No, I’m not familiar with the group. Since I know nothing about the person or the group or the circumstances, there is not much I can say here. I would recommend they read my book, “The Challenge to Heal After Leaving A High-Control Group”. There is a lot of good information in it.
Like