Have you been surprised by someone in your life who is suddenly trying to intimidate, manipulate, control or bully you? Bullies can pop up anywhere and come in all shapes and sizes. Although their negative actions may feel personal, generally they are not. Such aggressive and passive aggressive behaviors reveal much more about the person engaging in them than you.
Those needing to intimidate, control, threaten and bully are acting from their own inner lack of control, and their own inner chaos. They are indeed suffering within, and prefer not to suffer alone. In effect, bullies in whatever form they present, are projecting their inner out-of-control reality on to you – because it affords them some temporary relief and the longed-for illusion of power.
Intimidators cannot, however, manipulate or bully you without your permission. You withhold permission by not engaging with them, by not getting emotionally involved in their latest control story, or their current drama or ‘schoolyard’ game. Just don’t play along. Ignore them and leave the metaphorical ‘schoolyard’.
There is nothing worse for a person who needs to control and manipulate than to have no one available to intimidate and threaten. Reserve your emotional engagement for truly worthwhile endeavors – for what really matters to you. Don’t allow such people to drag you into their latest drama or threaten you if you refuse to do their bidding or side with them to intimidate, bully or badmouth others.
If you feel that despite your efforts to not succumb to their intimidation, you are being deceived, goaded or manipulated into a situation that feels just too negative, it may be that you are dealing someone who is in more than a bad mood or having a bad day.
“Reasons for unwarranted confrontational and hostile behavior are many and often complex. Causes may include and are not limited to pathological anger, hyper-aggression, pathological bullying, narcissistic rage, post-traumatic stress disorder, brain trauma, substance abuse, and life crisis. In some cases it’s just a normal person having a bad day. In others, you may be dealing with a sociopath or psychopath. Regardless of the reason, it’s important to respond proactively and effectively when your rights, interests and safety are at stake.”
If, for some reason, you cannot walk away and your boundaries or rights are being violated, communication expert, Ni Preston advises, “When standing up to bullies (in situations where something important is at stake), be sure to place yourself in a position where you can be safe, whether it’s standing tall on your own, having other people present to witness and support, or keeping a paper trail of the bully’s inappropriate behavior. In cases of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse, consult with counseling, legal, law enforcement, or administrative professionals on the matter. It’s very important to stand up to bullies, and you don’t have to do it alone.”
Bullies come in every shape and size and can be found in the most surprising places, even in groups where you come together to work toward a common goal. If you are feeling intimidated or bullied by a neighbor, friend, co-worker, boss, group member or in online forums, please follow some of the above suggestions or read more by clicking on the following link:
Bonnie Zieman 